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Nathanael and Me: The Seen and the Jealous

By: Sarah Dixon | Pastoral Intern

To be seen is ludicrous
Noticed among the crowd under the figs
How did he see me?
Did he see me when I sneezed?

     I’m so jealous of Nathanael.
     What is it like to be seen by Jesus?
     Would he like my fake nose ring?
     Would he like my peat brown eyes?

Jesus knows my name
He knows I’m smelly
The dirt under his nails match mine
I smile with giddy joy and my face flush.

     I wonder what he looks like so close.
     The Savior of the whole world,
     even of my anxious body and freckled face.
     I can only dream of the gap in his front teeth.

What should I tell him?
Is anything enough?
I dare to reach out to hug him
Is he a hugger?

     What should I tell him?
     Am I enough?
     What would it be like to hug Jesus?
     I bet he gives good hugs.